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December 3, 2007 at 04:12 PM

Its Not Easy Being a Dog...

Suki

Guest post written by Suki:

As I mentioned in my profile, I'm a dog. As such, I sleep 18 hours a day, eat, make poo and hang out. This passive existence is sometimes interrupted by my owners' coming and going, an occasional game of ball, an infrequent walk and a weekly bath. The bath I don't get at all. Just as I'm finding myself nicely seasoned, they go and take it all away. And DO NOT get me started on the travel carrier. Fed a piece of drug-laced cheese, "tranquilized for my own well-being", stuffed into a vinyl box and forced to ride among the feet of strangers on some terrifyingly loud conveyance for hours at a time. I thought I was caught up in some dark rendition to a third-world country, the result of some terrible mistaken identity.

But anyway, back to my pastimes. They may sound like an enviable life of leisure, but I also have some pretty incredible responsibilities, for which I'm seldom appreciated. Sometimes people ring the bell, requiring me to forcefully warn the occupants of this place, my so-called "owners", that danger is afoot. I'm not always rewarded for this service, and it frustrates me. I mean really. Have these people heard of Sean Taylor?

Sometimes I look out the window and see people I don't like, engaged in activities I don't approve. The owners see this "cute little high-strung dog", but aren't smart enough to make sense of my commands, "BACK OFF, Homeless guy!" "Get off my street, jackass!" "Take your drug deals elsewhere!" "HEY! HEY! HEY!" Instead, I get a nasty look, a scolding and sometimes some clapping hands (they know I don't like that, yet they insist).

These are simple misunderstandings. Sadly, I fear one day I will be vindicated. Suppose a pizza shows up unannounced, then what? How stupid will they feel when their guests arrive and I'm not there to announce them? Its not like I have much choice in the matter, I'm simply wired this way. Is a little empathy too much to ask?

This is only one of my many frustrations, about which I've decided to write about in my blog, "I Like Ball." Sometimes I get so frustrated I could just pee on the carpet, which I'm doing right now...



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